South Park: Stick of Truth: Subjective Doesn't Even Start To Say It

Yep, new game, but I love South Park so I was a bit obligated to get it.  Not only do I love South Park, I love turn-based RPGs, a subject I will talk about in great detail since it's something I'm actually fairly passionate about.  Why am I passionate about turn based RPGs?  Because I am secretly a neckbeard and think the last good games came out for PS2.  It's actually because I'm nostalgia blind from staring at Super Mario RPG too much when I was in 5th grade.  Those CRT TVs, fucking ticking time bombs or radiation...


This review is going to be a bit of a problem.  The Stick of Truth is not actually that good of a game, mechanically speaking.  The reason I'm stating this so plainly out of the gate is because I'm going to spend this entire review explaining why it is good.  I said it was going to be a problem.  But here's why this is happening, it's a tie-in game.  And since every single one of them is terrible without fail, there's not any expectations to compare it to.  They're basically just a punching bag of the industry and thus The Stick of Truth is the gold nugget buried in the shit.  But what's a relevant way to judge a shit covered nugget?  Well I haven't a clue, but here's a shot.

This is the single oddest game, in terms of graphical settings, that I've ever played.  There are no graphics options, the game is locked at 30fps and I need to learn to let sleeping dogs lie.  I figured that this was the symptoms of a shit console port.  Dark Souls screwed me from trusting devs and so once I saw Fraps ticking away at 30fps I immediately quit the game and went on an internet search.  I found a way, due to the engine it's made in, to unlock the fps and, the first time I can actually say this, that was a terrible fucking idea.  Do not, I repeat, DO NOT try to run this game over 30 fps.  And here's the reason.  If you go over 30fps, the game stops looking like South Park.  The animations are entirely too smooth and it's just so god damn weird to look at.

This is the first time I've ever seen the graphics options locked for a good reason.  If you play with the settings as is, the game looks identical to an actual South Park episode.  You are playing South Park, literally.

Me

The Stick of Truth, which is now on my clipboard because it's a pain in the ass to type, starts out with character creation.  which is fantastic.  That avatar you see there, aside from it's lack of facial hair, is a disturbingly accurate representation of what I look like.  I even wear grey, thin rimmed glasses in that exact shape.  I always wanted to be in a South Park episode, and now I have my chance.

The game is incredibly aware that it is a game.  Even outright telling you at points.  So being that it's self aware, it's hard to give it shit for following stupid gaming tropes as it quite often draws attention to them.

...yeah

A controller is a good idea for this one.  My poor keyboard has never forgiven me for attempting to play The Walking Dead on it, poor "q" key never stood a chance.  There's a lot of very precise timing in the combat and a controller makes it easier.

As a result, I must regretfully inform, I don't have a lot of screenshots of the combat.  Gaming with a controller puts me in a different posture than keyboard and mouse.  The problem here is that "screenshot" is still F12 and I have to reach up to hit it.  And aside from that, two things stop me from having more combat screenshots.  1. The combat, outside of special abilities really isn't much to look at and 2. the combat is slightly time based and requires a bit of focus so my mind was elsewhere at the time.

So that being said, you can just click away now knowing that I'm completely unprofessional and not worth your time.

Still here?  Really?  Well, all right.  Here's the write up on the mechanics.

The game has a class system.  I don't know why.

I played as a "Fighter" because I adhere to my baser instincts of hitting shit with other shit and swords are cool.  I'm not sure if the game changes enemies based on your class, but if they don't then Fighter is easy mode extreme.  I died twice, the whole game, and there is a ton of fighting here.  I was considering playing as the "Jew" class because it's fucking South Park, but swords.

The equipment you receive doesn't seem to have any restrictions or penalties.  So, from my experience, you could play the game as a claymore wielding, heavily armored mage with no problems, I don't think I like that.  It makes some sense to have restrictions, otherwise dominant strategy comes into play.  The mage confounds me the most because the way the "magic" works, you gain access to spells at specific points in the game because you use them out of combat, in the overworld, to solve puzzles and things of that nature.  The thief might be useful if you can steal things, but money really isn't an issue about 4 hours into the game.  It just doesn't seem balanced on the surface.  They very well might change the entire game to suit each class, but that seems like a ton of work for very little payoff.

The combat is okay, but incredibly easy once you get a hold of it's principles.  The whole thing works on timed hits, a thing Super Mario RPG did (oh, you thought I was making random references didn't you?) and while it makes the combat a little more interesting, it just gets kind of annoying near the end.
The turn based mechanics make sense, and there's a few updates to the system to make it less frustrating, but these same changes kind of make the game too easy.  You can use an item and attack in the same turn.  This also applies to certain skills.  Near the end it becomes trivial to either stun lock or wipe out all the enemies in one turn.  I don't know if this is intentional to speed up combat once you get sick of it, but it still seems odd.

There's a rather interesting mechanic where you can apply patches and "strap-ons" to your equipment to change it's affects.  It's a nicely done system that allows you to experiment without fear of permanent fuck ups.  You can remove augments from any equipment at anytime.  So if you get a new weapon, you can just transfer them over and the same applies for armor patches.  You can find the augments in the game and buy a few from the vendors which is nice.  Some augments are really good in the beginning but fall off later to make way from others that you have.  This system is good, there's not really "the one augment" that will see you through and synergy with your playstyle is important.  I never really liked the idea of permanent upgrades as it makes you save things until the very end and essentially removes the system from the game.  It's nice to see a more "Go ahead, fuck around" approach to this kind of thing.

But I've based the mechanics enough.  They're solid if a bit odd and unbalanced.  I actually enjoyed the combat, truly.  My girlfriend commented that every time a battle started I kind of perked up and leaned into my desk to make sure I hit all the buttons properly.

Now, we're moving on to the story.

The Stick of Truth

I loved it.  I went into it knowing I'd probably like it as it is written by Matt Stone and Trey Parker themselves, but I wasn't expecting what I got.  Old World Blues has been displaced as the funniest game/DLC that I've played.  I was constantly laughing.  You actually play as a "silent protagonist" which is pointed out constantly as being a weird thing.

The writing is phenomenal and the story gets more and more ridiculous as you move onwards.  And it plays out like South Park: The Movie 2.  The play on the silent protagonist is absolutely perfect.  Things just get more and more insane and you're just playing straight-man to the whole thing while being the focal point of the whole ordeal.  I was in a bit of a funk before I started playing The Stick of Truth.  I would finish working and just kind of stare at my Steam library for a while then go back to Reddit and hit refresh on the front page again.  But The Stick of Truth was 14 hours of game and I did it in two days.  I just wanted to see everything.  Even the bullshitty parts with you walking through town were fun.

But, here's the thing, you really have to like South Park.  If you haven't seen all of South Park you'll miss at least 80% of the references.  The game's going to seem stupid.  If you were thinking, "I don't really like South Park, maybe this will change my mind." It won't, at all, it's going to make you hate it more.  If you're looking for just a game, it's not for you.  If you're looking to get into South Park, not for you, if you want a revival of FFVI, it's 2014, it's not going to happen bro.  But if you like South Park and don't mind a slightly dumbed down combat system, pull the trigger.  It's really everything you want that you didn't know you wanted.

And now for all of the spoiler free screenshots, going to be tough.