Your Main Character Sucks

An all text post, you should be excited.

I stopped gaming for a little while as I mentioned in my previous post.  I felt like I was getting too far removed from why I wanted to write about video games in general.  The reason why I started writing was because I'm a jaded, old, asshole who knows better than you.  I grew up in an admittedly golden age of gaming.  I know this sounds like the start of a "only 90s kids" post, but that's a bit how this works.  I was just on the backend of the NES and right at the forefront of the SNES.  Admittedly there were some great games for the NES, but the SNES/Genesis game era is of note because of limitations.

The NES era was great despite it's limitations and the SNES era was great because of it's limitations.  Now don't get ahead of me now.  The NES brought the first well controlled games to the scene, but their design was limited.  If you're doubting me, go back and play the original Mario game.  The controls are as good as they ever will be, but the graphics and palate limitations are incredibly present.  This is what I mean "despite", MegaMan, Metroid, everything, you can feel the leash on them.  They're stellar games to be sure, but that "What if" is ever present.

This is where the SNES era shines.  16bit 2D graphics are astounding, truly.  So much so that people still create pixel art from the era.  The SNES games still had limitations, but the beauty was that this enhanced games.  You can't have graphics or multiplayer as a driver, so where do you go?  Story and polish.  Is there a single, non-knockoff/movie tie in, that isn't excellent?  At least in some way?  We're going to go case study on this, because the SNES library is vastly too large to tackle all at once.  And I'm talking about the SNES because I had one.  The Genesis was great in it's own right, but there's very few games that weren't superior on the SNES.

First case study, that of character, story and gameplay, is The Secret of Mana.  The main character, The Kid, is exactly as blank as he needs to be.  This is your adventure,  a blank slate works very well provided it's blank enough.  By all accounts, this game is excellent.  But it becomes rather tough to explain why.  Sure the controls are good, and the combat is different, but the extreme amount of polish and the truly blank slate of a character.  The story was something to be experienced and acted out by yourself.  This is a good RPG boiler plate to mold games after.

Second case study, that of predefined characters, motivation and character development falls onto the shoulders of Final Fantasy 6, or Final Fantasy 3 depending on who you are and where you live.

Is there really anything that needs to be introduced in this game?  There's people to this very day that claim this to be the end all be all of Final Fantasy and it's a downhill ride from here.  I disagree, but I can see the praise.  This is exactly what I'm talking about with limitations.  You have 16 bit sprites, but they all look distinct, different and just exude character.  You can't have the hardware carry you, so you make a set of incredibly vivid characters that blast away everything you've ever known about RPGs up until that point.  Have you played this game?  There is no amount of words that can convey the level of thought, care, and planning that went into this.  Everything is expertly crafted because it has to be.  It needs to standout among identical looking games, this is the shine of limitations.

Third case study, control, design, innovation, pacing, is Yoshi's Island

This is the greatest platformer ever made.  Shut it, I can already hear you saying, "But what about Donkey Kong Country X?" Don't care, this is it.  Tight does not do this game's control justice.  It's the gold standard and will probably remain so into the future.  There is not debate as far as I'm concerned.

But this is a product of upbringing.  This is innovation due to limitations.  You can't have flashy 3D platforming, this is the SNES.  Everything about this game is precisely what I'm trying to convey.  The graphics are astounding and timeless.  The controls could not be better and variety and letting the player learn is without match.  Every single level is different, with different enemies with different strategies and there is no game that does progression better.  This game is extremely difficult, but you'll never notice.  The skills that you naturally pick up matches up perfectly to the game.  Beat the game and start again if you don't believe me.  And the visuals, this is the end all be all of 16 bit graphics, it doesn't get any better.


Now why, why did I make you read all of this shit about limitations and what the fuck does that title have to do with anything?  Well, I've spent the last week playing Final Fantasy 12.  And I'm going to spend the next few paragraphs tearing this game a new asshole while praising it as a great game.  Shit's going to be fun.

Now, a quick aside, I played this time through on an emulator.  Before you get all up in arms about me pirating stuff, I played it on an emulator reading from my game disk, the game disk I bought on day 1 with the metal "Collector's Edition" case and everything.  I love the Final Fantasy series more than any other gaming series and the FFVII meteor logo is the only thing I've ever even considered tattooing on myself.  This is my favorite game series and I did it proper.  The reason I played it on an emulator is the only TV in my house is in my bedroom and my desk chair is comfy as hell and I can play it while my SO is sleeping this way.

FFXII might be the most hated in the series.  And the whole reason for this can be tracked down to a single, focal reason, Vaan.

Real talk, I fucking HATE Vaan-----'s character model.  Yep, that's it.  I hate his ingame model.  But here's the really, really, REALLY, unfortunate part, that's all that matters.

Take a step back, way back.  Look at the story of FFXII, look at the characters, look at the setting.  This is, truly, a fantastic game.  The story is dark beyond all reason.  It's filled with political corruption, occupied lands, refugees, corrupt officials, personal growth, dealing with grief, this shit is heavy.

The characters are scarily real.  A street rat with no family, killed before their time, an orphan, a seemingly selfish pirate, a mysterious  outlander, a disgraced military captain, a dead princess working with the rebels, a looser band of misfits I've never seen.  But not a single one seems as they appear.

The story, oh god, the story.  It's fantastic.  When I was younger it was honestly lost on me, but now, the threads run deeper than you'd imagine.  There's weapons of mass destruction, there's stakes, there's people.

But you want to know the sad fact?  Not a damn bit of this matters because Vaan's character model is so fucking horrendous.  People despise this game and I get it.  Here's how you fix this, in one go, with not but a single change to the story, you make Recks the main character.  The main character makes the game.  You can have an underdog as the main, but don't model him like Vaan.

The game, the engine and the platform allowed for incredible characters, which is demonstrated often, and they make Vaan, with is weird ass overly lined chest the main character.  You were given no limitations and you fucked it all up.  Do you honestly think Final Fantasy 6 would have been touted so highly if Vaan's character model was ported to a 16 bit sprite?  People got ahead of themselves and it's a damn shame.

If you can, by any means, play Final Fantasy 12, it's a seriously fantastic game, just try to ignore Vaan and you'll see what I'm talking about.  Just play as Balthier, dude's amazing

South Park: Stick of Truth: Subjective Doesn't Even Start To Say It

Yep, new game, but I love South Park so I was a bit obligated to get it.  Not only do I love South Park, I love turn-based RPGs, a subject I will talk about in great detail since it's something I'm actually fairly passionate about.  Why am I passionate about turn based RPGs?  Because I am secretly a neckbeard and think the last good games came out for PS2.  It's actually because I'm nostalgia blind from staring at Super Mario RPG too much when I was in 5th grade.  Those CRT TVs, fucking ticking time bombs or radiation...


This review is going to be a bit of a problem.  The Stick of Truth is not actually that good of a game, mechanically speaking.  The reason I'm stating this so plainly out of the gate is because I'm going to spend this entire review explaining why it is good.  I said it was going to be a problem.  But here's why this is happening, it's a tie-in game.  And since every single one of them is terrible without fail, there's not any expectations to compare it to.  They're basically just a punching bag of the industry and thus The Stick of Truth is the gold nugget buried in the shit.  But what's a relevant way to judge a shit covered nugget?  Well I haven't a clue, but here's a shot.

This is the single oddest game, in terms of graphical settings, that I've ever played.  There are no graphics options, the game is locked at 30fps and I need to learn to let sleeping dogs lie.  I figured that this was the symptoms of a shit console port.  Dark Souls screwed me from trusting devs and so once I saw Fraps ticking away at 30fps I immediately quit the game and went on an internet search.  I found a way, due to the engine it's made in, to unlock the fps and, the first time I can actually say this, that was a terrible fucking idea.  Do not, I repeat, DO NOT try to run this game over 30 fps.  And here's the reason.  If you go over 30fps, the game stops looking like South Park.  The animations are entirely too smooth and it's just so god damn weird to look at.

This is the first time I've ever seen the graphics options locked for a good reason.  If you play with the settings as is, the game looks identical to an actual South Park episode.  You are playing South Park, literally.

Me

The Stick of Truth, which is now on my clipboard because it's a pain in the ass to type, starts out with character creation.  which is fantastic.  That avatar you see there, aside from it's lack of facial hair, is a disturbingly accurate representation of what I look like.  I even wear grey, thin rimmed glasses in that exact shape.  I always wanted to be in a South Park episode, and now I have my chance.

The game is incredibly aware that it is a game.  Even outright telling you at points.  So being that it's self aware, it's hard to give it shit for following stupid gaming tropes as it quite often draws attention to them.

...yeah

A controller is a good idea for this one.  My poor keyboard has never forgiven me for attempting to play The Walking Dead on it, poor "q" key never stood a chance.  There's a lot of very precise timing in the combat and a controller makes it easier.

As a result, I must regretfully inform, I don't have a lot of screenshots of the combat.  Gaming with a controller puts me in a different posture than keyboard and mouse.  The problem here is that "screenshot" is still F12 and I have to reach up to hit it.  And aside from that, two things stop me from having more combat screenshots.  1. The combat, outside of special abilities really isn't much to look at and 2. the combat is slightly time based and requires a bit of focus so my mind was elsewhere at the time.

So that being said, you can just click away now knowing that I'm completely unprofessional and not worth your time.

Still here?  Really?  Well, all right.  Here's the write up on the mechanics.

The game has a class system.  I don't know why.

I played as a "Fighter" because I adhere to my baser instincts of hitting shit with other shit and swords are cool.  I'm not sure if the game changes enemies based on your class, but if they don't then Fighter is easy mode extreme.  I died twice, the whole game, and there is a ton of fighting here.  I was considering playing as the "Jew" class because it's fucking South Park, but swords.

The equipment you receive doesn't seem to have any restrictions or penalties.  So, from my experience, you could play the game as a claymore wielding, heavily armored mage with no problems, I don't think I like that.  It makes some sense to have restrictions, otherwise dominant strategy comes into play.  The mage confounds me the most because the way the "magic" works, you gain access to spells at specific points in the game because you use them out of combat, in the overworld, to solve puzzles and things of that nature.  The thief might be useful if you can steal things, but money really isn't an issue about 4 hours into the game.  It just doesn't seem balanced on the surface.  They very well might change the entire game to suit each class, but that seems like a ton of work for very little payoff.

The combat is okay, but incredibly easy once you get a hold of it's principles.  The whole thing works on timed hits, a thing Super Mario RPG did (oh, you thought I was making random references didn't you?) and while it makes the combat a little more interesting, it just gets kind of annoying near the end.
The turn based mechanics make sense, and there's a few updates to the system to make it less frustrating, but these same changes kind of make the game too easy.  You can use an item and attack in the same turn.  This also applies to certain skills.  Near the end it becomes trivial to either stun lock or wipe out all the enemies in one turn.  I don't know if this is intentional to speed up combat once you get sick of it, but it still seems odd.

There's a rather interesting mechanic where you can apply patches and "strap-ons" to your equipment to change it's affects.  It's a nicely done system that allows you to experiment without fear of permanent fuck ups.  You can remove augments from any equipment at anytime.  So if you get a new weapon, you can just transfer them over and the same applies for armor patches.  You can find the augments in the game and buy a few from the vendors which is nice.  Some augments are really good in the beginning but fall off later to make way from others that you have.  This system is good, there's not really "the one augment" that will see you through and synergy with your playstyle is important.  I never really liked the idea of permanent upgrades as it makes you save things until the very end and essentially removes the system from the game.  It's nice to see a more "Go ahead, fuck around" approach to this kind of thing.

But I've based the mechanics enough.  They're solid if a bit odd and unbalanced.  I actually enjoyed the combat, truly.  My girlfriend commented that every time a battle started I kind of perked up and leaned into my desk to make sure I hit all the buttons properly.

Now, we're moving on to the story.

The Stick of Truth

I loved it.  I went into it knowing I'd probably like it as it is written by Matt Stone and Trey Parker themselves, but I wasn't expecting what I got.  Old World Blues has been displaced as the funniest game/DLC that I've played.  I was constantly laughing.  You actually play as a "silent protagonist" which is pointed out constantly as being a weird thing.

The writing is phenomenal and the story gets more and more ridiculous as you move onwards.  And it plays out like South Park: The Movie 2.  The play on the silent protagonist is absolutely perfect.  Things just get more and more insane and you're just playing straight-man to the whole thing while being the focal point of the whole ordeal.  I was in a bit of a funk before I started playing The Stick of Truth.  I would finish working and just kind of stare at my Steam library for a while then go back to Reddit and hit refresh on the front page again.  But The Stick of Truth was 14 hours of game and I did it in two days.  I just wanted to see everything.  Even the bullshitty parts with you walking through town were fun.

But, here's the thing, you really have to like South Park.  If you haven't seen all of South Park you'll miss at least 80% of the references.  The game's going to seem stupid.  If you were thinking, "I don't really like South Park, maybe this will change my mind." It won't, at all, it's going to make you hate it more.  If you're looking for just a game, it's not for you.  If you're looking to get into South Park, not for you, if you want a revival of FFVI, it's 2014, it's not going to happen bro.  But if you like South Park and don't mind a slightly dumbed down combat system, pull the trigger.  It's really everything you want that you didn't know you wanted.

And now for all of the spoiler free screenshots, going to be tough.